Square Pegs Vol 2: The Many Masks We Wear

When I hit 'publish' on Volume 1, I didn’t just share a post; I felt like I’d walked into a meeting in my pyjamas.

The 'vulnerability hangover' was real. But the response from you proved something I’ve suspected for years: we are all exhausted from the performance. We are a community of high-achievers living in a state of permanent 'costume drama,' wearing masks we didn't even realise we'd put on.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth I’ve learned this week: Talking about being a Square Peg is one thing. Actually dropping the mask in real-time is another.

I used to think unmasking meant just 'being myself.' Now I realise it’s more like a dial. Sometimes I turn it up, sometimes I have to turn it down just to survive the supermarket or a Zoom call. This week, I want to talk about the different masks in my masking wardrobe, why I wear them, and the invisible cost of keeping them on.

“Masking is the act of suppressing or camouflaging neurodivergent traits, behaviours, or needs to fit into a neurotypical workplace culture. It often involves mimicking others’ social behaviours, suppressing natural expressions, and hiding sensory challenges.” — Psychology Today

This sounds clinical to me. From my point of view, masking is simply being the person I think others want or need me to be so I can be included. It helps me "get stuff done" and hide the traits that feel less socially acceptable: the forgetfulness, the oversharing, or the interrupting.

But there isn’t just one mask. Many of us wear multiple masks, or have one mask with multiple attachments. Think of it as a fancy Dyson hairdryer, one base unit, but a dozen different heads depending on the "style" required.

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The Many Masks of Sarah Elizabeth

1. The “Nearly Unmasked” Mask This is the loosest mask I wear, reserved for my most trusted inner circle: my partner, my sisters, and a few close friends. Here, I stay on top of my personal hygiene, aim to listen more than talk and try to remember things that have been said and where I left my keys, but I am able to not worry about anything else. I know that the trust and safety I have with these people mean I won’t be judged if I lose my thread or need to retreat.

2. The "Professional Sarah" Mask This mask is polished and put-together. I’m often complimented on my outfit the moment I enter the office. I rarely miss a deadline and I suppress every ounce of sensory overwhelm. I am bubbly, chatty, and brimming with ideas. What you aren’t seeing is the energy drain. That outfit took 45 minutes of agonising. I made the deadline but paid the price at home, relying on unhelpful coping mechanisms just to decompress. This is why the corporate 9-5 is such a struggle. Where is the decompression time? Where is the compassion?

3. The Social Safety Mask This is for the 'middle ground', networking events, hobbies, or drinks with people I don’t yet trust. Here, I am a master of the 'Standard Response.' I mirror the energy of the room and keep my 'eccentric' thoughts tucked away. It’s a protective layer of beige. I’ve had comments that I am an introvert, but my psychometrics point toward extravert. The truth is, I am an extravert, but this mask makes me smaller. I hide away and find excuses to leave early just so I can go home and take the weight off.

4. The "Everything’s Under Control" Mask As a coach, this one is dangerously easy to slip on. I wear it when sensory overwhelm is peaking, the lawyers are being 'bloody lawyers' (it took me 7 months to move house!), or the to-do list is a mile long. Behind this mask, my internal hard drive is at 99% capacity and screaming for a reboot. But on the surface, I am the calm 'Swan.' It is the most exhausting mask of all because it denies me the very thing I give to my clients: the permission to be human and messy.

5. The "Audience Favourite" Mask This is the most sophisticated piece of kit in my wardrobe. It’s the character I play based on exactly who is standing in front of me. The Perfect Daughter. The Low-Maintenance Girlfriend. The High-Energy Friend. My internal radar scans the room at 100mph, detecting shifts in mood and adjusting my frequency to match. 

But when you spend your life being a mirror for everyone else, you eventually look at your own reflection and realise you don’t recognise the person staring back. 

Who is the unmasked Sarah when no one is watching? Do I actually enjoy the things I say I do, or am I just trying to be included?

The Strategic Shift

It’s clear why I was so depleted. I wasn’t just living; I was managing a wardrobe of five different identities.

Lately, I've been practicing the 'Strategic Shift.' I’m learning that I don't have to rip the mask off in the middle of a meeting, but I can loosen the straps. I can admit I'm overwhelmed. I can wear the 'comfortable' outfit instead of the 'compliment' outfit.

I’ve gone on much longer than planned, so I will save the "How I am learning to unmask" for Volume 3, where I’ll cover the good, the bad, and the ugly!.

Until then, remember: Recovery time is a non-negotiable. Whether it’s a duvet day binging Schitt’s Creek, nature, or safe friends - make sure you build in space to breathe.

Are you tired of managing a wardrobe of different identities?

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I’ve taken everything I learned from 15 years in HR and my own late ADHD diagnosis to create Sarah Elizabeth Consulting. I work with people and businesses who are tired of the "round hole" approach.

• For the Individual: If you’re a professional navigating a late diagnosis or feeling like a misfit, I offer 1:1 ADHD-informed coaching to help you find your purpose without the performance.

• For the Team: I help businesses build neuro-inclusive cultures where people like us don't just "survive" - we thrive.

If this resonated with you, send me a DM and let’s chat about making "different" your greatest strength.

Stay Square,

Sarah